Squash Artists….Where Do They Go From Here?

Written by Gregory Bitetzakis.

Published on April 19, 2012

Hey everyone welcome back to my weekly column talking about professional wrestling.  I am out of the state now and will be next week so an article next week may be tough but I will see what I can do, maybe a guest columnist or something.  For this week I want to touch on a group of fellas who I call the Squash Artists, a stable I am creating right now that contains the three squash wrestlers in WWE right now, Lord Tensai, Brodus Clay and Ryback.  These guys are known the last couple of weeks for facing either a local jobber or a wrestler on the endangered species list.  They destroy their weak opponents, usually by doing very few moves and then its over.  For what I am going to do with these guys, I am going to briefly touch on what they are doing right now, what separates them from other wrestlers, and what I would do with them next.  OK just like a squash match, we need to get this started quickly and without delay so here we go.

1) Lord Tensai

Formally of Prince Albert fame, Lord Tensai has returned from a hiatus in Japan where he got some tattoos and tweaked his character a bit.  He is a big bald dude, with a face only a mother could love and starting from some promos on Raw he has come and dominated the competition.  His move set combines strikes and headbutts with power moves that show off his strength.  His finisher is a sort of sit down power bomb and he then sprays green mist into his hands and squeezes his opponents head.  So far he has squashed Alex Riley, Yoshi Tatsui, and just recently won a NO DQ match with John Cena.  He has a history in WWE, knows the ins and outs of the business, and has a unique look.  The Japanese character is different and unique and makes him a bit mysterious.  If I was booking him, I would continue the John Laurinitis connection that was established on Raw and make him a bodyguard of sorts for Johnny.  Rumors have him feuding with Punk soon so I could see that working since Lord already has a win against Cena on his record.  While the WWE seems to be glossing over the fact that he has history there I would let him embrace it, I mean its not like the audience doesn’t know, just listen to the chants during his matches.  You can make him work a feud with Kane or Undertaker, both whom he has history with, and continue to allow him to prosper in the WWE for years to come.

2) Brodus Clay

Talk about someone who is unique, Brodus has been squashing for a while now and even had a Wrestlemania moment with some mommas (as forgettable as that segment was.)  He is also a big dude but is unique in that he has some agility and is over with the crowd.  His dancing is hilarious and the crowd sure likes him.  He started in NXT as the wrestler trained by Ted Dibiase and Maryse (AWW I miss you Maryse) and had a gimmick where he emphasized the fact he was a bodyguard for Snoop Dog.  He would be eliminated and then worked in a movie until he came back with a new gimmick, the Funkasaurus. His move set is some power moves mixed with some suplexes, yet what makes his moves stand out is that he does it with flair, in creative ways which makes him unique.  He has squashed the likes of Tyler Reks, Curt Hawkins and Drew McIntyre.  Currently he is working in a comedic tag team with Santino, but I hope that ends soon.  He is over with the crowd and we know how buried the tag team division is in the WWE so they need to take advantage of him by having him wrestle singles matches.  I like having his as a face monster who mixes speed with strength.  I would put him to the test and have him work a feud with Alberto Del Rio since they both have history.  He won’t be put over by Del Rio but it would make him gain credibility where you can eventually down the line turn him heel and use him differently.  He could be an interesting player in WWE if used correctly.

3) Ryback

Now this guy, just like Booker T said, has hit the ground running.  Big physique, speed and a good look, he has been scaring jobbers the last few weeks with his powerful move display.  He started as this goofy country guy on NXT till an ankle injury sidelined him for over a year and I for one was anxiously waiting his return.  I heard how dominate he was in OVW and in dark matches with his new Ryback character that I just wanted to see what he could do.  So far he has destroyed jobbers with an assortment of power shoulder blocks and a wicked clothesline and finishes his opponent with a sort of muscle buster but he looks like the real deal.  On NXT he was the funny guy with many humorous statements but since he has been back he has not really said much.  For now he needs to slowly get back from his injury and I would love to see him go Cena like at least when it concerns his debut and have him challenge someone like Dolph Ziggler or Jack Swagger on Raw and have a feud with one of them. I love this guy and I see big things from him if he is brought up the right way.

There they are, the Squash Artists.  The squash match has been sort of a dying form but it is nice to see a return of sorts for these matches.  The Brooklyn Brawler and Barry Horowitz must be smiling right now by seeing the return of what made them famous in the 90′s.  It is like watching Saturday wrestling all over again and I love it, just in small doses.  Well that’s it for this week, email me at gbitetzakis@yahoo.com or comment below.  I will let everyone know what the plan for next week is and before I go I want to say a RIP to Chief Jay Strongbow, one of the greats and a deserving member of the Hall of Fame.  Thank you Chief and again this was brought to you by…..


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